The following either Pathetic or just plain dumb laws are, or were at some point, actual laws in the United States.
Not sure how many of these will actually have you doing porridge in this time of age,  but sometimes you just never know

Alabama

• In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
• It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• It is illegal to play Domino’s on Sunday.
• Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Alaska

• In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
• While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona

• In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.
• In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
• In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.
• In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.

Arkansas

• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
• In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
• Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.

California

• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
• Women may not drive in a house coat.
• In Pacific Groove, “molesting” butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
• It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
• In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.
• It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Colorado

• In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Connecticut

• It is illegal to dispose used razor blades.
• In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h. even when going to a fire.
• In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Delaware

• It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

Florida

• If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
• In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
• Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
• When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
• In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Georgia

• While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
• Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
• Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
• No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.

Hawaii

• It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.
• It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.

Idaho

• You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois

• In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
• According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.

Indiana

• Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
• It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.

Iowa

• State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.
• In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.

Kansas

• Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

Kentucky

• It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.

Louisiana

• In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
• It is considered “simple assault” to bite someone in New Orleans; it is “aggravated assault” if the biter has false teeth.
• It is against the law to gargle in public.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Maine

• In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.

Maryland

• In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.

Massachusetts

• In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
• It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.
• In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
• In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

Michigan

• In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”
• A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
• In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.
• You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
• In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.
• Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.”

Minnesota

• Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
• In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.
• Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.
• It’s illegal to tease skunks.

Mississippi

• In Truro, a would-be groom must “prove himself manly” prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds
or three crows

Missouri

• It is illegal to have oral sex.
• Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).

Montana

• Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family”.
• It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
• It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
• It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
• Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.

Nebraska

• It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Nevada

• It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
• It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.

New Hampshire

• You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
• It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
• Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
• On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up

New Jersey

• Spray paint may not be sold without a posted sign warning juveliles of the penalty for creating graffiti.
• It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico

• It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
• Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery.

New York

• A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
• It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
• A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
• The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

North Dakota

• Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio

• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Pennsylvania

• A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

Texas

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
• It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
• It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
• It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
• A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
• The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

Wisconsin

• You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
• Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.

Top 10 most politically incorrect words of 2009 by Global Language Monitor, a group that studies word usage.

1. Swine Flu
2. Flush Toilet
3. Green Revolution
4. Minority
5. Saint
6. Politically Correct
7. Oriental
8. Founding Fathers
9. Black Sheep
10. Senior Citizen

No gender-related discussion has been more heated than the one that rages behind the wheel. So who are better drivers: men or women?

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The Answer Is …

 
In a study released by Quality Planning, an analytics company that validates policyholder information for auto insurers, women came out on top.

The study analyzed different kinds of vehicle code violations (traffic violations) and then compared how many times men were cited versus women. The conclusion was that men break more traffic laws and drive more dangerously than women. Because they violate laws designed to make the roads safer, men cause more accidents and expensive damage.

Part 2 of these at one time Politically Correct Adverts, now no longer accepted

Politically correct at one point

Yes you did read it correct, and No it is not a joke… I heard about this a while ago, but shrugged it off as being nonsense. Well this evening  I found out the hard way that it is true.

This evening I was watching a serious program on the TV, and a small group of people were going to surprise a friend because it was his birthday.. of course the friend did not know the other people knew it was his birthday. But, the only person that got an (unpleasant) surprise was me, when suddenly the TV blurted out a 60 second long bleeeeeeep and a message saying they could not broadcast the singing of “Happy Birthday” because it was against Licensing Regulations.. WTF!!!!  this has gotta be a sick and perverted joke right?… Sorry, here is the deal

Did you know Happy Birthday is copyrighted and the copyright is currently owned and actively enforced by Time Warner?

Did you know that if you sing any copyrighted song:
…at a place open to the public
…or among a substantial number of people who are not family or friends
You are involved in a public performance of that work?

Did you know an unauthorized public performance is a form of copyright infringement?

Is Happy Birthday Really Copyrighted?

Yes.

The melody for Happy Birthday was first penned by two sisters from Kentucky, Mildred J. Hill and Patty Smith Hill. The song was called Good Morning to All, but bore the recognizable melody. The tune was first published in 1893 in the book Song Stories for the Kindergarten. The melody has since passed into the public domain, and is safe to hum in public without permission.

While it is not entirely clear who first wrote down the words for Happy Birthday, it showed up in a few places before Jessica Hill (another Hill sister) was able to demonstrate undeniable similarities between Good Morning to All and Happy Birthday and to secure the copyright to the song.

Working with the Clayton F. Summy Publishing Company, Jessica Hill published and copyrighted Happy Birthday in 1935. While the copyright should have expired in 1991, copyright has been extended repeatedly over the last quarter of the twentieth century and the copyright for Happy Birthday is now not due to expire until at least 2030.

The Clayton F. Summy Company is no longer independent, but, through a chain of purchases, the copyright for Happy Birthday To You lies securely in the hands of the Time Warner company. Happy Birthday’s copyright is licensed and enforced by ASCAP, and the simple little ditty brings in more than USD $2 million in annual royalties.

Is Singing Happy Birthday in Public Really Copyright Infringement?

Yes.

According to United States copyright law in United States Code, Title 17 §106, authors of works such as musical compositions have the exclusive right “to perform the copyrighted work publicly.” In United States Code, Title 17 §101, the law defines publicly performing a work as “to perform or display it at a place open to the public or at any place where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered.”

This means that if you sing Happy Birthday to your family at home, you’re probably not committing copyright infringment. However, if you do it in an restaurant — and if the restaurant hasn’t already worked out a deal with ASCAP — you may be engaging in copyright infringement.

** the above was borrowed with all good intention from www.unhappybirthday.com

So, there you have it, next time you are at a birthday party, make sure you acquire the proper license before you sing Happy Birthday.

Dozens of public organizations in the U.K. have imposed bans on common words and phrases used by their workers and in their correspondence in an effort to be more politically correct. Rather than write a scathing opinion piece on how appallingly stupid we think it is to ban such phrases, and how overly sensitive governments and people have become, we’ll just list a few of those banned phrases with the reasoning behind why they were banned and let you decide for yourselves.

Whiter than white – A phrase used to describe someone who would never do something bad, has been banned because it is believed to be racial and infer that black is bad or criminal.

Black Day – Used to describe a time of disappointment or shame in a situation, has been dropped from publically funded agency language because it is believed to have racial undertones.

Ethnic Minority – Because in that context the word minority implies that ethnicity may be looked upon as small, unimportand or insignificant.

Gentleman’s Agreement – Because it can be construed as sexist and exclusive of women.

Black sheep of the family – Since it implies an outcast or an unappreciated person, and uses the word black in a negative way.

Master Bedroom – Because it implies subservience of women and dominance of males in relationships!

Politically Correct Terms For Males:

He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative
He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed
He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia
He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated
He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy
He is not: Quiet He is a: Conversational minimalist
You do not: Undress him with your eyes You have a: Introspective pornographic moment
He is not: Afraid of commitment He is: Monogamously challenged
He does not have a: Fabulous rear end He has achieved: Buttocks perfection
He is not: Stupid He suffers from: Minimal cranial development
He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations
He is not: Balding He is in: Follicle regression
You do not: Buy him a drink You initiate an: Alcohol-For-Conversation exchange
He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive
His jeans are not: Too tight He is: Anatomically under circulated
He is not a: Redneck He is a: Genetically-related American
You do not: Kiss him You become: Facially conjoined
He is not a: Cradle robber He prefers: Generationally differential relationships
He does not get: Falling down drunk He becomes: Accidentally horizontal
He does not: Act like a total jerk He develops a: Case of rectal-cranial inversion
He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact
He does not have a: Rich daddy He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion
He does not: Constantly talk about cars He has a: Vehicular addiction
He does not have a: Hot body He is: Physically combustible

I’m sure we have all heard the saying ” The Good Old Days” or, how many times have you heard someone say ” When I was young” ? Well, believe it or not, there once was a time that we did not take EVERYTHING so personal… Yes I know it is something many people just can’t imagine, so here is a reminder of what was completely acceptable in “The Good Old Days”

The city of Boca Raton doesn’t accept donated holiday decorations, but the policy was not going to deter the Rev. Mark D. Boykin.

A crèche, a Nativity scene depicting Jesus Christ’s birth, is the Christian symbol of Christmas, Boykin said, and has a rightful place alongside the Hanukkah menorah that sits atop a table in the city library. There’s a Christmas tree nearby, but, Boykin says, that’s a secular symbol that doesn’t impart the true meaning of the holiday.

So he and about 50 members of the Church of All Nations arrived at the library on Boca Raton Boulevard on Thursday afternoon with crèche in hand.

For nearly an hour they sang hymns, recited prayers and waved signs calling for freedom of speech and freedom of religion. Just before 1, they filed inside the library to make their presentation. Library Services Manager Catherine A. O’Connell was expecting them.

“We’re trying to be noncontroversial and enjoy the season without being partial to any religious organization,” O’Connell explained before the group came inside. “The menorah is a secular symbol, as is the Christmas tree and garland.”

Officials in the city manager’s and city attorney’s offices could not be reached for comment, despite attempts by phone.

Encircling O’Connell, Boykin and his followers — accompanied by their own camera crew, which was streaming live to the Web — asked her for permission to place the crèche by the Christmas tree. She explained city policy about donated holiday decorations, then watched as Boykin walked over and gently placed the manger scene beneath the tree anyway.

He blessed it and thanked O’Connell for her understanding.

Two U.S. Supreme Court decisions deal with holiday decorations on public property, but neither specifically addresses a crèche alongside a menorah and a Christmas tree, according to David Barkey, southern area counsel for the Anti-Defamation League.

“The Supreme Court says the menorah has religious and secular meaning,” Barkey said. “Next to a Christmas tree, the overall message is secular and OK. It’s never addressed a menorah next to a crèche, or a menorah, a crèche and a Christmas tree. It’s called the December dilemma and every year the same issue comes up.”

A similar controversy cropped up last week in Delray Beach when Jewish residents complained about the absence of a menorah from a holiday display at Old School Square. The situation was resolved when a Margate company donated a menorah.

Boykin, who believes the menorah is a Jewish religious symbol, wants the city to purchase crèches just as it has menorahs.

“This is not about the shades of candy canes or the height of a Christmas tree. It’s about eight city-owned facilities where menorahs are present,” he argued. “They believe because they have a Christmas tree it should placate all Christians. [The city] is discriminating against Christians.”

As Boykin and his followers left the library, O’Connell wished the group happy holidays.

“Merry Christmas,” Boykin replied.

What will happen to the donated crèche is anybody’s guess.

“We don’t have responsibility for it,” O’Connell said.

Copyright © 2009, South Florida Sun-Sentinel